


but i keep the dream of a better time

by awesomems



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt Zuko (Avatar), Implied/Referenced Abuse, Mild Blood, Mother-Son Relationship, Songfic, Zuko (Avatar)-centric, Zuko's Scar (Avatar), ozai doesn't have any lines, there's a sentence-long description of the agni kai
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-15
Updated: 2020-07-15
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:55:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25275031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/awesomems/pseuds/awesomems
Summary: zuko's mother really might be the only person in the palace who really cares about him.
Relationships: Ozai/Ursa (Avatar), Ursa & Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 36





	but i keep the dream of a better time

**Author's Note:**

> a:tla is the best kids show, highly political, and one of my all-time favorites, so it's kinda strange this is my first time writing for it, but there will be more.
> 
> title and lyrics in this are from "all the tears" by gojira

_mother has no time, but she cares for me_

_and she cries all the tears_

_i am joining now the river flow_

a seven-year-old zuko sneaks out of his room to the courtyard, where he goes when he can’t sleep. (his parents are busy, he’ll let them rest.) to his surprise, his mother is sitting by that pond they sit next to together to feed turtle ducks, so often that zuko likes to think of it as _their_ spot. she’s sitting in their spot and she’s… crying?

“mom?” he calls, quietly since it is still nighttime. 

“zuko!” she responds. she smiles and wipes away her tears. “what are you doing awake?”

“i can’t sleep. why are you sad?” he asks, sitting cross-legged next to ursa.

“it’s nothing, i’m okay.”

“is it because of dad? i heard him yelling earlier.” zuko looks up at her with those big, golden eyes, the ones currently glossy with tears, the ones she can’t lie to, but she also can’t tell the truth to. the long, complicated, sad truth. 

“no, no, nothing like that. just thinking about home, that’s all.” she lets out a deep sigh and admires the moon and its reflection across the water. “let’s get you back to bed.”

the pair walks through the halls of the palace in comfortable silence, and when ursa is about to leave, zuko asks, “can you tell me the story again? the one about your home?” 

“of course,” she agrees, and begins to tell the story. “hira’a is a small, quiet village, not like here at all…” 

when she’s finished, her son has but one more question for her: “will you ever go back?”

ursa sighs. really, she had lost all hope of ever going home when she married ozai, but she never wanted her son to see that despairing side of her, so she stays optimistic, even if only for a moment. “i’m not sure, but i hope someday. i’ll take you and azula with me, and we’ll go see _love amongst dragons._ the actors in hira’a put on a much better performance than on ember island anyways.” her son laughs, and the sadness in her heart is not nearly as heavy as it was when the night began. “goodnight, zuko. i love you.” 

_now the time has come, you have to be a man_

he isn’t sure how late it is, but his mother is waking him up. it seems important, but zuko is too groggy to focus on what she’s saying. “zuko, my love, please, listen to me. everything i’ve done, i’ve done to protect you. remember this, zuko: no matter how things seem to change, never forget who you are.” 

“mom, what ―” 

“please, zuko, don’t make this harder than it already is. i love you, never forget that.” she hugs him tight and he doesn’t understand what’s happening but she walks away and he’s confused but he can’t help but fall back asleep. 

he wakes with a start the next morning and runs through the halls calling for her, but she’s nowhere to be found. “where’s mom?” he asks his sister.

“no one knows. oh, and last night, grandpa passed away.”

“not funny, azula. you’re sick. and i want my knife back, _now_.” he reaches for it but she moves out of the way.

“who’s gonna make me? mom?” that moment is when it starts to click for zuko. his mother really might be the only person in the palace who really cares about him. he manages to snatch his dagger from azula’s grasp and runs outside to his father. “where is she?” ozai simply hangs his head in something that almost looks like sorrow, or grief, but if zuko knows anything about his father, there’s no way that’s what it is. 

_my entire life about to burn_

_i am struggling, life is illusion_

the agni kai that ruined his life occurred three days ago, but zuko can still feel the heat around the left side of his face, can still smell the coppery, metallic scent of blood after he could no longer feel the pain. this, coupled with the dread coming from the knowledge that as soon as his wound is not in need of intensive medical care, he’ll be banished from his home, everything he’s ever loved to be taken away from him (with the exception of his mother, already losing her two years prior). 

those days are dark for zuko, stunned by the sheer amount of disdain his father holds for him. he wonders if ozai would have burned him, banished him, maybe even killed him sooner if he had been given the chance.

_the wind blows, i’m so scared_

_and the waves so big, i am not prepared_

this time, he really needs to step up, to be a man, to have hope and determination, if not to prove himself to his father, then for his own survival out in the biting cold of the sea on his search for the avatar. 

the avatar: he knows, and his uncle confirms, that the avatar hasn’t been seen in almost a century. he _knows_ that he’s very unlikely to ever find them, but something inside him, something intrinsic to his being and immune to any sort of logic is desperate to complete his search and reverse his banishment. he’s desperate to earn his father’s approval, something he’s never been given in his thirteen years of life. 

he needs his father to love him. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> kudos and comments are appreciated!


End file.
